A Year in Review

Since my decision to take a step back from social media, I have had a lot of time to clear my head. During my hiatus, I have been busy despite growing inconsistent hours at work. As 2023 began, a promising new year with steady shifts quickly devolved into major cutbacks in working hours, briefly occurring in May then financially affecting me (especially as I have 3 bank accounts to think about) starting in August. What began as a request for schedule changes, was rapidly responded with false accusations:

1. I’m too opinionated
2. Not performing my duties at work
3. Not wanting to work or do my job
4. I’m too slow

Simply seeking earlier shifts which would allow me to be on the floor sooner was met instead with a negative reaction over an amicable solution, frustrating an already frustrated situation. Moreover, I was NEVER trained in the department I was switched to after initially being hired in September 2021 for another department entirely. To address this, how would I begin to know how to do a job properly when most of ALL my shifts have been part time closing hours? Thus not allowing me a lot of time to perform or complete the tasks normally given to someone working full time??? Following my departure from my previous employment in July 2021, the negative environment I experienced is what led me to leaving the company I was with. Something I hoped to avoid once hired where I’ve been working the last couple of years. After 2 (almost 3) years of time & energy, all my hours over the last number of months have not only been cut back, but given to someone who not only lied about her work experience (from what I’ve been told), but overstepped boundaries of those more senior. Not enough to be content, her deliberate choice to usurp another’s job & hours (MINE) & promotion to keyholder over more deserving employees displays clear cognitive dissonance. Recent conversations with a fellow employee revealed the individual who received the keyholder position over more deserving employees, was granted after demanding the role. Which again, should have been given to those who’ve worked longer than I’ve been there. Because of this, inspired by a conversation and the same venomous reasons that led me to leaving my last job; in October 2023 I reached out to one of the colleges to inquire about a Massage Therapy course. Something hopefully which will allow me a better living, income & opportunities, with a reasonable & flexible schedule. Retail, unfortunately, is no longer a stable industry. Having worked for as long as I have now, moving on would be my only & better option. Particularly since neither position I've held in retail thus far, allow room for growth. Of course, the Massage Therapy course itself will be a 1-year long program & if I enroll in either May or September 2024, will find me in Toronto for an undetermined amount of time to become certified near the end of the program. Figuring out how to pay for it, different matter entirely! 

    2023 was also a difficult year for me health wise. With increasing & violent migraine episodes. Each aggressive assault more painful than the last after a prior history of fainting spells & blackouts; despite having undergone an MRI years ago. In October after an appointment with my doctor, I was prescribed Rizatriptan. Subsequently in late 2023, due to my overwhelming health problems; I began mulling over purchasing & consuming Cannabis edibles despite never consuming Cannabis in my life. With a bit of research & conversations with local cannabis shop budtenders, the advice I’ve been given is to start with a low dose should I decide to officially start using it. Sadly, because of my growing issues with migraines, I can no longer use or take Tylenol, Acetaminophen or Ibuprofen. Explicitly because I have built up too much of a tolerance. Currently what I keep on hand is Advil Liqui-Gels & Excedrin Migraine. However, I have recently begun noticing Advil barely works anymore, except only as a muscle relaxer now. Luckily, I still have Excedrin.

    In December, while families gathered together to celebrate the festive season, a holiday usually marked by exchanging gifts & blessings for the new year ahead, for myself the holidays are always difficult. Since leaving my birth home Thunder Bay, Ontario (where some family on both sides still reside) a month after I turned 2; 2019 was the first, last & only time I was around anyone from my mother’s side. Sadly, 2 years after the passing of my paternal grandfather by age 8, my father’s side of the family fell apart. A divide leaving me without a relationship with my father’s side, since age of 10. Leaving a hole not only during the Christmas season, but every birthday as well. Most birthdays are emotionally painful, solemn occasions. In truth, I haven’t celebrated many with anyone except my parents. 

    As we enter into another year, I’ve decided to extend my hiatus. I plan to use my time not only to write, but also further clear my head & focus on the year as it proceeds. The past year has been marked both by growth & setbacks. To be honest, I feel it isn’t enough to listen to my own heart even when another says they’re there to listen. Social media within itself is a trash heap; I get that. Political divisiveness, trolls & misinformation, bullying & harassment are all part of why many have quit. Walking away from platforms and getting back to real life. Whatever that is anymore. This is a small reason why I’ve decided instead to remain active on Pinterest & Spotify since they’re where I’m more comfortable for the time being. I just need to prolong my silence on Twitter & Instagram for a while longer. I look forward to when I will be able to return with updates on what is going on in my life. In closing, I want to wish everyone a happy, healthy, peaceful & incredibly safe 2024.💖